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After the Show Notes from Jenna:
Sharma Shields - Shame and Compassionately
Embracing Your Dark Side
Shame is an exquisitely painful emotion, possibly the most painful emotion we humans face. It can shake us to the core and threaten our sense of belonging. No wonder so many of us will do just
about anything to try to avoid it. In fact, we often get caught up in cycles of harsh self-criticism as an attempt to avoid feeling shame-- as if we could just criticize ourselves into shape! But the problem is,
that shame can also be a really important teacher. When we can open up to the experience of shame with a sense of self-compassion and gentleness rather than harsh criticism and condemnation, we can learn a lot about ourselves and what really matters to us.
In our conversation with the beautifully evocative and powerful author Sharma Shields, we talk about how it is important to embrace all aspects of ourselves, including the darker and more painful
sides. Now don’t get me wrong, I’m definitely NOT saying that we should be shaming people or that shaming is an effective behavior change strategy. It’s definitely not. And, on the flip-slide I’m
also not saying that we should just work to feel positive about everything we do. That’s the idea behind having good “self-esteem”-- feeling good about ourselves. What I’m talking about here isn’t
about how we feel about ourselves, it’s about how we treat ourselves. And that’s what self-compassion is, simply choosing to treat ourselves with kindness and being open to embracing all parts of ourselves, including the parts we feel shame about or are regretful of. Responding to our shame with self-compassion rather than self-criticism allows us to explore it and thus learn from it.
If you’re interested in learning more about the difference between pursuing self-esteem and choosing self-compassion, here’s a great TedTalk by
Kristin Neff, Ph.D. on the topic:
www.youtube.com/watch?v=IvtZBUSplr4&feature=youtu.be
And there are lots of great exercises on Dr. Neff’s website that can help you start practicing
compassionately opening up to all those darker, more painful parts:
self-compassion.org/category/exercises/#exercises
#sharmashields #shadow #dark-side #fiction #alcoholism #literature #compassion #self-esteem
Award-winning author @SharmaShields on how finally getting curious about her darkest impulses finally allowed her to quit drinking. "I'm not interested in our perfect stories, or our shiny successes. It bores me. What I really want to be is truthful and vulnerable."
beyondwellsheilahamilton.libsyn.com/sharma-shields-embracing-your-darkest-story
#depression #alcoholism #fiction #writing #storytelling #dark #impulses #shadow
Beyond Well with Sheila Hamilton: Sharma Shields: Embracing your Darkest Story
Sharma Shields wants us all to get real about the things we've done, the mistakes we've made, and the people we are hoping to become. Her writing, including her highly acclaimed novels, The Sasquatch ...If you want to know the story behind our podcast, and the hope that Jenna, Brian and Sheila share for normalizing conversations around mental health, listen in:
Own Your Truth Podcast: Ep. 22: Heart Centered Connection on Apple Podcasts
Show Own Your Truth Podcast, Ep Ep. 22: Heart Centered Connection - Aug 10, 2019Wonderful!
After the Show Notes from Jenna: Doctors Only - On Sex
A main focus of my clinical work is on helping people who are struggling with #intimacy
and #sexuality. In that work, I’m often referring my clients to all sorts of books and other resources to help them explore and learn more about their sexuality and sexual satisfaction. I wanted to share a few of those resources, including the ones we mentioned in the podcast with you here.
However, I have to admit, I always feel somewhat conflicted about offering these resources, because, to be honest, I actually think this can be part of the problem.
There is SO much information out there about sex. We, as a culture, may not talk openly or effectively about sex, but we sure do peddle in a lot of information about it. Everything from the magazines in the checkout line that promises the latest “mindblowing” technique, to countless books and websites that serve as instructional manuals, to the most commonly accessed sex resource out there, internet porn- we are
bombarded with information about how to supposedly be better lovers.
And yet, almost all of these seem to focus on the same thing— what you are doing. Sure just like most things, it can be helpful to learn new information when it comes to sex and various
sexual activities, especially if that wasn’t something you had been exposed to much previously. However, great sex really isn’t so much about learning what to do, but rather it’s about how you do it, the process. If you are primarily focused on mastering techniques, sex can become, well, techniquey. And, frankly, techniquey sex isn’t usually all that great.
When we are focused on technique and performance—Am I doing it right? Should I do this or that? I am blowing her/his/their mind? I am the best she/he/they have ever had?
— we are typically up in our head and in a place of evaluation. That evaluation often comes at the cost of creativity, connection, and responsivity, which, for most of us, are key ingredients to great sex. So, while external resources like the one below can bevery helpful, don’t let the focus on technique and performance result in you losing
contact with the process in the moment. The most important and useful information you can get about sex doesn’t come from a book or a website or a video—it comes from the
feedback you get in the moment. That feedback comes from your own body and from
you partner’s body. Learn how to read your body. Learn how to read your partner’s body. That’s the greatest sex manual you have available to you.
Resources mentioned in the podcast:
● Come As You Are and the Come As You Are Workbook by Emily Nagoski Ph.D.
● Passionate Marriage by David Schnarch, Ph.D.
● OMGyes
And for a ton of other books and resources, you can check out our relationship,
intimacy, and sexuality resources page at Portland Psychotherapy Clinic :
portlandpsychotherapyclinic.com/relationship-intimacy-sexuality-resources/
Relationships, Intimacy, and Sexuality Resources - Portland Psychotherapy Clinic
BOOKS Books about relationships and intimacy The Mindful Couple: How acceptance and mindfulness can lead you to the love you want by Robyn Walser, Ph.D. Relationships, Intimacy, and Sexuality Resource...